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I am 37, a single mom and am looking to find someone , but not a boyfriend. After years of slowly losing my mojo and sexual confidence, I am slowly rediscovering my drives and desires and now want to find someone to explore that with.

I am looking for a semi-regular hookup with someone I can get to know over time and explore my sexuality, but I am not ready to actually meet someone for the longer term. How on earth do I ask for this on an app like Tinder without getting scary messages?

This is a great start! I have long believed that the secret to finding a lasting partnership is less about meeting the one but rather about meeting some one who you find attractive and interesting but who also — and this is crucial — wants the same kind of relationship that you do at the same time that you want it.

This can apply to casual relationships as much as serious ones: Being real friends-with-benefits requires the highest level of emotional honesty and communication in order to make the parameters of the relationship clear and avoid hurt feelings. Your point that advertising this on your profile may elicit creepy messages is not an irrelevant one, but I do think for maximum efficiency you should be pretty clear that you are looking for something casual because of your existing commitments.

And you do want someone who is very sex-positive. One option is to look for people with similar profiles to yours: If your tastes run to the kinky, you could also consider investigating in apps and sites that are more open about their focus on sex, such as Fetlife.

Once you do decide to meet people, remember to take the same precautions that you would if you were dating for more romantic reasons: Spankwire

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