Narcissists love to win. Divorce, to them, is a game. That makes divorcing them in any reasonable kind of way extremely challenging. Their expectations are usually unrealistic. That means you need to know a little bit about narcissism itself.
Tales of a female nomad
According to the Mayo Clinic:. Narcissistic personality disorder … is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. According to the DSMnarcissists often display these symptomsamong others:. Divorcing a narcissist is usually expensive, ugly, and exhausting.
Narcissists are usually high maintenance and high conflict spouses. As a matter of
Divorcing a narcissist, if a settlement is fair to you, then, by definition, they believe it is unfair to them! As a matter of "Divorcing a narcissist," the more expensive and time consuming it is, the easier it is for them to play the victim.
Divorce is hard enough under...
Do NOT try to get
Divorcing a narcissist without an attorney! No matter what your spouse says in the beginning, your divorce is not going to be easy or amicable. You need your own lawyer to guide you through this! Hiring a shark attorney is also a bad idea! They love to fight. An aggressive lawyer will just fan the flames of the fire — at an enormous cost to you!
You need someone who will help you create a solid strategy, and then will help you execute that strategy step by step, one step at a time. You
Divorcing a narcissist want to be careful not to let yourself get sucked into blindly trusting your spouse, either in or out of court. It's been two years since...
How do you walk the line between being paranoid and being careful? You start small, and you keep your eyes and ears open. Make a small agreement with your spouse. Watch what your spouse does. That will tell you much more.
Just so you know, everyone blows this step at first. Everyone slammed by their narcissistic spouse at least once, and usually a couple of times. The "Divorcing a narcissist" here is not to be perfect. Getting taken a couple of times sucks.
In the real world, that hardly ever happens. This is not T. If you want to show that your narcissistic spouse is lying, you need to prove it! Put all of your conversations
Divorcing a narcissist your spouse in writing.
Use email and text messaging as much as possible. Both of those forms of communication leave trails behind. Not only "Divorcing a narcissist" you have to document your conversations, but you have to organize them as well. Finally, do yourself a favor. Do NOT give all of your documentation to your lawyer all of the time.
Divorce itself also throws you off balance and makes you question yourself. Setting your goals and making a
Divorcing a narcissist to achieve them can keep you grounded. It points you in the right direction from the start. If you can make a plan for your divorce BEFORE you are up to your ears in craziness, you have a much greater chance of getting through your divorce in some kind of rational way.
Of course, divorcing a
Divorcing a narcissist rarely goes as planned. Even still, just starting with a plan puts you way ahead of the game! If you want to know how you can win when divorcing a narcissist, you start by keeping your own emotions under control. When your narcissistic spouse does something outrageous, if you react by screaming, crying, raging or acting like an emotional basket case, YOU become the one who looks crazy.
If you are having trouble controlling your emotions on your own, get a therapist! That, alone, can be worth millions. Another way to get yourself out of reaction mode is to start by having a clear plan of action with your spouse from the start.
Take the time to set goals. Decide on a plan of action. To the best of your ability, follow your plan. You will probably have to change your plan multiple times. Divorcing a narcissist usually takes a long, long time.
When you first start your divorce, things may not go well
Divorcing a narcissist you. Your spouse may charm the judge, the lawyers, your friends and maybe even your family. Meanwhile, your spouse will paint you as a monster.
If you have been documenting everything properly, you will be able to prove that your spouse is lying. When that happens, the tide may start to shift. Those who thought you were crazy may start to change their opinion.
At the same time, staying the course for years can take a huge toll on you. Play the long game. Take care of yourself! You need to eat right, exercise, and try to get some sleep. Most of all, be kind
Divorcing a narcissist yourself.
To get that support, you need to put together a strong team. You need people who will listen to you, support you, and help keep you sane. So, who should be on your support team? Start with good friends and family. Blood is thicker than water. A good support team should also include good divorce professionals. You already know that you need a good divorce lawyer. You also need a good therapist. But you may need other professionals as well. Your kids may need their own therapist.
Depending upon your circumstances, you
Divorcing a narcissist also want to enlist help for your kids from their teachers or counselors. If you have financial issues, you will probably benefit from having a financial planner.
All of these people and more can help you get through your divorce in the best way possible. Remember, it takes a village. Yes, I know this one sounds crazy! It also can be hard to do. Remember, narcissists need to win. If you can get your own ego out of the way and let them win, you win too. You end the craziness. You get to move on with your life. Obviously, this strategy has its limits. But, if you get your own emotions out of the way, you can analyze your divorce from a business perspective.
The less you have to see and deal with your spouse, the easier your divorce will be. To minimize the
Divorcing a narcissist in your divorce you need to separate from your spouse as quickly as possible.
Once you do, eliminate as much face-to-face and telephone contact as you can.
Latest on Ravishly
Do everything via email and text. Also, keep a record of every email and text. Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that "Divorcing a narcissist" the ways that people must treat you. Establishing and enforcing strong boundaries with your narcissistic spouse during your divorce will start to separate you from your spouse. It will also help you save both your sanity and your dignity.
The more you allow your narcissistic spouse to treat you badly during your divorce, the more painful your divorce will be. That makes it even less likely that you will get what you want and need out of your divorce.
Trying to win when divorcing a narcissist is challenging. Or, it may mean doing your best to protect your kids so that you can raise them in a more positive environment. The legal, financial, and emotional uncoupling gets even more complicated when you're tangled up with a narcissist.
Divorcing someone with. Divorcing a narcissist — even a self-proclaimed one — is one of the most challenging topics for an impending divorce. Learn how to fight back. As the relationship ends, when divorcing a narcissist, you are no longer useful to them, and they no longer feel any obligation
Divorcing a narcissist treat you civilly.
MORE: How to tell my narcissistic husband i want a divorce