There is no doubt about it that the dating world can be hard and a difficult territory to navigate. This is especially true when we are in our late teens to twenties. With the age of dating apps and non-committal arrangements, the lines get blurred and sometimes it feels like it is impossible to know where we stand with someone.
They say that women are the more complicated gender, but there are many men out there that can be just as hard to read. It is easy to get caught in the trap of him wanting something more casual and the girl wanting something more serious.
In order to not hurt your feelings, sometimes they drop hints to us hoping that we will quickly pick on them. If a guy doesn't want to be direct with you, there will be a code talk that he will give you that is subtle.
Sometimes it is so subtle to the point where we don't pick up the message altogether. We have made an extensive list of prime examples of what guys say to you versus what they are really trying to say to you. Don't get too offended or shocked, for the truth will set you free. In fact, you may even want to consider ditching him after knowing what his real intentions are. It is actually a mellow form of misogyny when men as a collective label women as "crazy" just because they are acting in a way that they don't like.
In fact, it is a form of gas-lighting when your man does disrespectful and inconsiderate things and then labels you a "psycho" when you get upset over it. If a guy tells you that his ex is crazy, psycho, etc. Of course, there are two sides to every story, and she may have overreacted.
Always remember that all relationships go in two-way streets. Unless he follows up the statement of "my ex was crazy" with a "but to be fair, He said he loves me but were not hookup did X, Y, or Z" then take this with a grain of salt.
It is the hardest thing in the world for a guy to come out and admit how he is really feeling.
Society tells boys that they need to "suck it up" or "be a man" and not show any vulnerability. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with women. For a guy to tell you that he loves you is an incredible stepping stone for him especially if he had other options before you. In today's modern dating world, it is easy for people to believe that there is a better choice just right around the corner. Just make sure that he actually means it when he says that he loves you. Guy code could say that he loves you but it could just be another form of emotional manipulation.
Remember to pay attention to the actions that say that he loves you rather than just his words. If a guy says that he likes you early on, all that really says is that he likes to be around you and enjoys the energy that you bring to the table.
The same could be said about the way he sees his friends or family members that are close to him. This
He said he loves me but were not hookup be a stepping stone to love, but that is never a guarantee. If he has to say "I like you" over and over, that means that he wants to keep you around but he still hasn't really made up his mind about you yet.
The real non-committal types will He said he loves me but were not hookup you "I like you" for years just to string you along thinking "he likes me, so that means he will tell me that he loves me eventually.
Take this phrase in the beginning as flattery but later down the road, take it with a grain of salt. Never ignore this blatant statement. Any guy who tells you that he isn't looking for a relationship is truly not looking for a relationship. Specifically, he is telling you that he will never get serious or monogamous with you. Don't take this as him trying to build up a wall just to see who will tear it down.
Girls tend to do this when they say that they aren't looking for a relationship, but these are not girls we are talking about. Men are literal creatures and tend to mean what they say. Guys who "aren't looking for a relationship" just want something casual and physical.
Furthermore, they are also looking to keep their options open and score with other girls. Believe him wholeheartedly when he says this to you. At first, this question seems flattering. You are thinking, "Wow, he must think I'm beautiful, intelligent and the whole package.
Therefore, he is asking me this because he is so shocked that I am still single. He wants to know if there are any red flags or "crazy" see the "crazy ex-girlfriend" entry above traits about you that he should be aware of. This is especially true if he follows up this question with the next question, "what has been your longest relationship?
He wants to know about your past behavior so that he can see what he is really getting himself into. Statements like these after he has clearly done something to make you upset are a classic form of gas lighting.
Gaslighting is when someone does something on purpose to get a reaction out of you and then turns it around on you as the crazy one when you give them a reaction. If a guy does something like hit on another girl in front of you or anything else that is disrespectful and then tells you that you are "dramatic" or "crazy" for getting angry with him, then get rid of him stat.
Run from these types and avoid them as if they were the plague. Guy code will have a way demonizing women and accuse them of being the way they are acting.
You simply do not need this in your life. There are genuine apologies and then there are fake apologies. An "I'm sorry" could mean that this is guy code for saying "sorry, not sorry" or it could really just mean that he is sorry. Assuming that it's the latter, what he is saying is that "I'm sorry that you got mad but I'm not really sorry for what I did. This is another classic scenario where you have to watch his actions and not his words.
If he really is contrite, he will alter certain behaviors to make the relationship work. If he doesn't, then he was just saying "I'm sorry" as a way to get you off of his back.
When a guy says this to you, that is him trying to get you to dump him. He is being self-deprecating by trying to imply you that he isn't good enough for you. In reality, he just doesn't want to do the work in forming a real relationship with you. He knows that his behavior is less than what a girl really deserves in a relationship and he has no desire to up the bar and be a good boyfriend.
Some girls will take this as flattery and interpret it as "I think that you are above my league" That is far from what he is really saying. If he says that you deserve better than him, then he does not see you as a priority. Saying "He said he loves me but were not hookup" he is too busy for you just means that he is unwilling to make the time for you. No matter how busy a guy is, he will always make time for his girl if she is someone
He said he loves me but were not hookup he really cares about.
If you are seen as something casual or unimportant, then he will just prioritize other things ahead of you. This statement is guy code for saying that "you just aren't that terribly important to me" a la Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.
If he says that he is too busy with work or school but then you see him check into a bar or do some leisure activity without you on social media, then this statement is just flat out lie rather than a stretched out truth. He is too busy for you, but he isn't too busy for happy hour. If he tries to speak to you in guy code and then you translate it to something that he was really trying to say, this response is him trying to backtrack. When you give him the brutal truth version as to what he told you, he won't want to come off as being the insensitive A-hole.
So instead, he says "that's not what I meant" as a way to misconstrue the whole point or to just soften the blow to spare your feelings. Guys aren't always the most articulate when it comes to communicating their thoughts and feelings so sometimes you have to read between the lines. In any case, take this guy code statement as a lie or at least a slight lie when he says "that's not what I meant. Whether a guy or a girl says "it's not you, it's me", that is the biggest line of BS when it comes to breaking up.
Of course it's you, otherwise, he would still be wanting to date you. There was a characteristic about you that he didn't like or that didn't add up to what he was looking for. So rather than flat out tell you what it was that makes him want out of the relationship, it is easier just to put it on himself.
He might even say something more like "I just don't want a relationship right now" see about entry or "It's just not a good time in my life to have a girlfriend right now.
If you are willing to do that, then prepare for some news that you don't want to hear. A guy might say this as he is breaking up with you or after you have broken up with him.
Despite what anyone tells you, there is no such thing as "still being friends" after getting intimately involved. Whether it was a real relationship or a hookup, the brain chemicals that you feel towards that person change after you take it to the next level. Guys can compartmentalize their feelings and be willing to just "be friends" with an ex because they want their physical needs met.
Hooking up with an ex can be comforting because you guy are already familiar with each other and it's easier than trying their luck with someone new.
He could even be taking advantage of you by having his needs met but not yours. Don't give him the benefit of that type of "friendship" and just cut him off and give yourself a clean break.
When a guy tells you that "he needs space" or "he needs a break" He said he loves me but were not hookup you have given him plenty of time to himself, he has officially checked out of the relationship. This means that he wants to spend less time with you and more time either by himself, with his bros or with other girls.
The only exception to this is if you are really being clingy and all up in his space. If you see that he is preoccupied with priorities like work or school and you are not respecting that, then him saying that he needs space is validated.
The exception only applies if he says "I need space" or "You need to give me more time to care of insert what he needs to do here. This one will depend on your level of independence.