Many people do not feel comfortable talking about sexuality and sexual health issues. This pamphlet will explore ways of feeling more confident in discussing herpes in the context of a sexual relationship.
Cold sores on the mouth and genital herpes are medically the same condition. The significant difference arises from the stigma that tends to accompany a herpes infection that is sexually transmitted. Most people find that their partners are both supportive and understanding. It is a common assumption to initially think that a person may base their judgement of you on the fact you have genital herpes.
However, for most this is a minor skin infection. People fear the of rejection but the reality of this is that it rarely happens.
Because fear of rejection is a concern, it leads some to question why they should risk talking about herpes. Accordingly, people choose not to tell.
Instead they abstain during herpes outbreaks, practice safe sex at other times, and hope for the best. This strategy may have more disadvantages than advantages.
First of all, you spend a lot of time and energy worrying that your partner is going to get herpes. For most people, the anxiety over not telling your partner you have herpes is worse than the telling itself. On the other hand, by telling your partner you have herpes and allowing them to enter into the I have genital herpes with full knowledge of your infection, you reduce the likelihood of them becoming infected with herpes.
Excuses create distance between partners and often lead to misunderstanding and guesswork. Your partner might interpret your excuses in ways more detrimental to the relationship than an honest discussion of genital herpes would be. Inaccurate and stigmatising articles and advertising have contributed to many of us having a lot of negative beliefs related to herpes that make it difficult to convince ourselves that others would want to be with us.
Accepting the fact that you have herpes and are still the same person you were before will make it easier to have a fulfilling relationship. The more emotionally charged an issue, the more important it is to find out the facts. Most people know little or no facts about herpes. Frequently, what knowledge they have is coloured by myth and misconception. Having the correct information about herpes not only makes I have genital herpes easier for your partner, it makes it easier for you.
Following are some of the basic facts about herpes that might be important points to tell a partner. There is a lot of information about herpes. Have educational materials on hand for your partner to read. Be prepared to answer their questions. What you say and how you say
I have genital herpes is going to depend on your own personal style.
Your attitude will influence how this news is received. Psychologists have observed that people tend to behave the way you expect them to behave, and expecting rejection increases the chances of an unhappy outcome.
A straightforward and positive conversation about herpes issues is the best approach and may be helped by forward planning. How long should you know someone before you tell them?
Allow the relationship to develop a little. There are good and times to bring up the topic of herpes.
"I have genital herpes" just prior to love-making is not a good idea either. The discussion could take place anywhere you feel safe and comfortable. Some people turn off the TV, take the phone off the hook, and broach the subject over a quiet dinner at home. Others prefer a more open place, like walking in the park, so that their partner will feel free to go home afterwards to mull things over. This allows both people to work off a little nervous energy at the same time.
Try to be natural and spontaneous. If you find yourself whispering, mumbling, or looking at the floor, stop for a moment and try to speak calmly and clearly. Look your partner in the face.
Your delivery affects your message. The following opening statements represent a variety of nonthreatening ways to prompt discussion about herpes. They are not intended to be regarded as scripts.
Try not to be melodramatic.
This is not a confession or a lecture, simply the sharing of information between two people. Avoid negative words and keep the dialogue simple and factual: Could we talk about what this means for us?
Look for logical opportunities to bring up the subject. You might even be surprised to learn that your partner has been equally concerned about telling you that
I have genital herpes have genital herpes or another sexual infection. In fact, the probability of this is reasonably high, given the statistics on HSV. People may just need a little time to assimilate the information.
This is where having good written information helps. Consider giving them reading material or referring them to a Sexual Health Centre, the Herpes Helpline.
Whatever the reaction, try to be flexible. Remember that it took you time to adjust as well. Negative reactions are often no more than the result of misinformation. It takes a lot more than the occasional aggravation of herpes to destroy a sound relationship. Some people react negatively no matter what you say or how you say it. Others might I have genital herpes more energy on herpes than on the relationship.
These people are the exception, not the rule. This is not a reflection on you. You are not responsible for their reaction. If your partner is unable to accept the facts about herpes, encourage him or her to speak with a medical expert or counsellor. The majority of people will react well.
They will respect the trust you demonstrate in sharing a personal confidence with them. With the proper approach and information, herpes can be put into perspective: Regarding the relationship overall, know that you can have the same level of intimacy and sexual activity that any couple can. It is true that in an intimate sexual relationship with a person who has herpes oral or genitalthe risk of contracting herpes will not be zero, but while there is a possibility of contracting herpes this is a possibility for any sexually active person.
And the person may unwittingly already have been exposed to the herpes virus in a previous relationship. All relationships face challenges, most far tougher than herpes. Good relationships stand and fall on far more important issues — including communication, respect and trust. Whether or not this relationship works out, you have enlightened someone with your education and experience about herpes, correcting some of the myths about herpes that cause so much harm.
I have genital herpes have removed the shroud
I have genital herpes silence that makes it so difficult for others to speak.